I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
