First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
