i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
