Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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