you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
