you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
