oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
