Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Is her dick bigger than yours?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
