Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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