Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
