hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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