She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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