i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Randomize
