i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
this will be a night to untag.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
