how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
