Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
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