He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
