On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize