She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
