everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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