Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
