the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
