That's when you crack a 10am beer
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
