She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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