you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
My ATM looks so different sober.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Is that strawberry winking at me??
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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