I'm lost and stupid without you.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
