it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize