there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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