she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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