you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize