how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
