I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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