I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
