You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
