Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
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