What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
