You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
