problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
