Pappa wants mamma naked
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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