I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
