My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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