I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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