just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
