You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
