I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
