look no pants
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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