Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
