Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
