There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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