I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
