Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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