Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
