I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
