I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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