I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I CAN MOONWALK!
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
