I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
