He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
