I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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