She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
