He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
