Got a toothbrush?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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