my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
