How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize