I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
