lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
