I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
