Jerry, you need to find god
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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