I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
