It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
