yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
