Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
