We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
