apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
