How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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