At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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