we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
