you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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