Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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