He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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