I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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