i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
