the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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