You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
