Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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