it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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