got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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