I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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