I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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