I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
