So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
