i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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