your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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