So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
you made out with another girl for some wings
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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