Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
