Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
