so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
