How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I faked an abortion last night.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
