10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
