this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize