Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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