Whatcha textin bout Willis?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
your like the ambassador to my penis.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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