i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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