I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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