He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
