At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
