I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Randomize
