Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I want a musical about memes.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
