Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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