Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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